I recently delivered a presentation to a group of brand new first year associates at their firm’s orientation program. I had given the firm a list of 20 or so topics about which I might speak. Surprisingly, they chose what many might dismiss as “touchy-feely” topics: how to manage fear, build confidence, and cope with stress. It strikes me that these topics are just as critical for lawyers at all career levels, so I thought it might be helpful to summarize my presentation and share it. For this issue, we will focus on facing your fear and cultivating confidence.
Face Your Fear
Although fears are likely to diminish or change as we progress in our careers, fears nevertheless persist, especially the fear of failure (the number one fear mentioned by those first year associates). Since we all live with fear, we need to “make friends” with it and transform it into healthy fear, the kind that makes us work hard to properly prepare for a presentation, or to write, edit, and rewrite a document to make sure that it is done well. In order to manage fear we first need to acknowledge it and get to know our own fear responses and how it feels in our bodies. Then, we need to devise strategies to help us cope with fear when we feel it. These can include: (i) planning ahead and managing our time so we feel properly prepared; (ii) conducting research in advance of a meeting to learn about the subject matter or person with whom we will be meeting; and (iii) practicing presentations out loud, scripting out a difficult or challenging conversation, or role-playing with others if appropriate.
Cultivate Confidence
Though we might wish it were so, success in the law is not just about working hard and being competent. Confidence is also critical to our success at all stages of our careers. Research indicates that people who project confidence are more successful than those who don’t. Interestingly, it turns out that there are some genetic and biochemical components to confidence that make some people naturally more prone to optimism and confidence than others. However, everyone can learn and develop confidence. Acquired confidence has as action component to it; you can’t just think your way to confidence, you have to worry less and act more. Confidence is gained and learned by continually stepping outside your comfort zone, taking a risk to try something new, and succeeding. There is also much to be gained from trying, failing, and learning from your failures…so try, FAIL FAST…learn and move on!
As mentioned above, people subconsciously respond to someone who projects confidence. But, this is only true if the confidence is genuine, authentic, and appropriate (i.e. not excessive). Find a way to let people know about your accomplishments that feels comfortable and authentic to you (e.g., “I am really proud of…” or “I feel good about…”). I often advise clients to keep a journal in which they keep track of what they have accomplished in real time (no less often than monthly). This is useful for annual performance reviews, for building confidence as they see their progress over time, and for building a biography or résumé if needed.
Make sure that your confidence is not perceived as arrogance. Always give credit to others who have helped you, and remember that no matter how talented you are, how hard you may have worked, and how successful you may have become, it is critical to be humble and to treat everyone with respect. This includes not just other lawyers, but also support staff—from the receptionist to the assistants to the people in HR and other administrative positions.
Managing fear and developing self confidence are critical skills for attorneys at every stage of their careers. Another career-long challenge will be covered in my next Career GPS article: Keeping Stress in Check.