I just had an eye-opening coaching meeting with a senior associate at a large law firm. She began the call saying that she was frustrated that partners were not sending business her way so that she could learn what she needed to know to move forward. Frustration flowed into tears: “I will never be successful,” she said. “I don’t have the emotional make-up for it.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “I’ve known you for several years, through many career ups and downs.” “That’s just it,” she cried, “It’s the downs. I’ve heard many TED talks given by successful women lawyers and attended many panels where senior women partners described their careers. None of them ever mentioned getting depressed about stuff in their careers, they just kept going, motivated, determined and driven. I’m not wired like them. I’m doomed!”
That last sentence was the kicker. I thought back to panels I moderated and watched. Perhaps she’s right. In our zeal to motivate up and comers and provide them with hope and resilience, we rarely (if ever?) talk about critical, down times in our past. Like when we could not sleep fearing that no work would come our way and our low hours would be deemed fireable. Or the many occasions we felt totally inept due to an inability to please a senior partner. And, of course about the times we felt totally stuck—not advancing and sponsor-less, with no support or colleagues and sure that any day could be our last day at the firm. I told the woman I was coaching about horrific times such as these and assured her that periods of career-oriented depression were common. “Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?” she asked me, clearly irritated. “What I really want to know is what to do when misery hits. Not shrink stuff (with all due respect to your profession) but how do attorneys move on and somehow become happy and successful lawyers?”
“Points well taken,” I told her and promised that I would get ideas for her, and others beginning by writing a blog, posing her question and seeking your input. Also, by sharing this young woman’s observations, I would encourage the senior lawyers among you to talk about the “lawyer blues” with women and men less experienced than you. As a psychologist, now coach for lawyers, I certainly have suggestions, but, I know that the ideas and experiences will be a lot more powerful coming directly from you.
When in your career have you felt down, discouraged, frustrated and tempted to leave the profession entirely? How did (and do) you navigate these times and end up with a successful, fulfilling career? What works?