by Karen Kahn

I celebrate being part of a “giving” world that creates mechanisms where giving can happen with relative ease. Linked-In, for example, is filled with individuals, including myself, enthusiastically sharing what we know, what we have read, opinions, resources, ideas, etc. Interestingly, we “givers” extend our efforts blindly, not truly knowing what others want and need. We guess, anticipate, imagine, but don’t have the answer to the key question, “How can I help you?” So we “throw” gestures into the ether and hope that they land in the “arms” of appropriate people.

Making relevant, valuable offers of assistance aren’t easy. Several times over the past few weeks I have asked groups to whom I was speaking, as well as individuals, “How can I help?” “Who might you like to be connected to who I might know?” and “What challenges are driving you crazy in which I might be able to lend some assistance?” Like most of you, if I had the resources and/or ideas to help I would gladly share. Yet, the answers to my questions have been allusive: “I don’t know, let me think about it,” or “Thank you so much, I don’t really need anything right now,” or silence. One month I attended 3 “networking events.” I discovered many lawyers’ who desired introductions to individuals they thought might be ideal clients. Not wanting to be weighed down with business cards, I invited the individuals to e-mail their specific requests to me so I could provide the connections. I was shocked—out of around 30 offers I never received one email!

We all have needs that will propel us forward or provide a necessary resource. So why does there seem to be a disconnection between offers and needs? I searched my own reticence to make requests for insight and found some ticklish thoughts lurking within:

1. What if I ask and no one responds or, worse, says “No I won’t help you.”
2. Will my “asks” be construed as weakness?
3. I don’t want to impose or put pressure on people to give.
4. Nice girls are givers, not takers.
5. I don’t want to seem “needy.”

The impact of my reluctance (and perhaps yours as well?) produces two interesting results–networks aren’t leveraged as powerfully as they could be and givers become frustrated and, some, less motivated to offer assistance in the future. Think how much more we all could advance toward our goals if we put our hesitancies on the back burner and allowed ourselves to leverage gifts offered from our networks.

Consider these tips to embrace the generosity of the givers around you:

1. Boldly recognize what you need to move forward in all avenues of your life.
2. When someone offers to help, believe them and let them know what you need.
3. Be aware that we all have needs; help others make requests to you and their networks.
4. In meetings, where appropriate, conduct “5 Minutes of Asks” where everyone must quickly state a need to the group. Follow-up individually after the meeting.

Creating a more vibrant give and request network throughout all social media platforms begins with our individual conversations with each other. Let’s start now. State a need and let’s see if our combined networks can help.