by Andi Groomes

I grew up telling people that there was one profession I would never do and that was sales. Today, I have enjoyed a successful 15-year career in sales and gone on to coach business development or “sales” with Threshold Advisors. The very idea of “salesperson” conjures images of the aggressive car salesman we all dread or the person at networking events who can’t stop talking about how great he is while thrusting a business card or brochure in our hands. As a result, most of my lawyer clients despise the idea of selling and resist the idea of being a salesperson. “To sell” is just not dignified or worthy of the noble profession of law! In fact, the legal profession even embraced an alternative moniker for its best salespeople; they are known as “rainmakers.”

When approaching relationship development, it is important to understand how the concept of push versus pull communication influences our perception and success. This is especially significant considering selling, or making rain, originates from sustained value-based relationships.

First, a definition of terminology:

Push communications is asserting your message, needs and yourself on someone without their invitation. This style is representative of the pushy person mentioned earlier from the networking event, who may ask for the business without hearing a specific need or request for help. Imagine what we say about push communicators when they walk away. Don’t be that person.

Pull communication is attracting people to connect with and know more about you, your skills or your message. This is the ideal way to grow relationships. With this model you don’t persuade or convince, you attract. People ideally become interested in connecting with you as a result of your brand or style.

Now that we’ve distinguished how push and pull communication impacts relationship development, we can review a few key elements that support and enhance the ability to deliver push communications.

• Persuade vs. Attract — Push communications is typically delivered in order to achieve a purpose. This purpose originates in a desire to convey a message, need or desire important to the communicator. Telling or convincing others about what’s important to us is a self-focused pursuit of our goals that leaves little room for the receiver of the communication to participate. As a result, it becomes easy to talk more than listen. Whereas, attracting relationships means listening first, then talking. It requires being interested and curious in order to understand others and take advantage of connection points naturally. Being interested offers the opportunity to learn about others on multiple levels, which ultimately creates an interesting person with more knowledge to share with their network of relationships. Additionally, a powerful and attractive brand is being generated.

• The Golden Rule vs. The Platinum Rule — For years we’ve been taught the Golden Rule. It indeed serves an important value in life. But when it comes to pull communication, the Platinum Rule is more effective. “Do Unto Others and THEY want done unto them.” This means listening and looking for the cues that help translate how the other person is reacting to your communication, noticing their agenda and flexing your communication style to accommodate them. It takes a varied communication toolbox that supports different types of people in a variety of settings to successfully deliver push communications.

• Self Focus vs. Other Orientation — Think… them first, me later. Clarity about what you want to communicate is important, yet it must be linked with HOW you want the message received. This requires an understanding of “them.” It also requires an awareness of how you come across to others. A laser focus solely on your intentions can cause a blind spot relative to the receivers of communication. This can also impede successful relationship development. Beware of this pitfall.

The summary rule of thumb? Success is most likely to happen when you PULL people towards you as opposed to PUSHing you and your message on them. Use the summer season with its abundance of social activities to build awareness of habits around pull and push communication, then seek to practice the art of attracting the relationships you desire.